"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
