Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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