Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
