I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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