your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize