Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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