he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
are you so shy because you have an std?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
