Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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