Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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