What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
