Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there is puke in my bra ... again
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