is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
