I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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