This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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