I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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