I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
