it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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