I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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