well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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