you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
