I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
