I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
