I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
