I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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