She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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