Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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