I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize