I'm gonna have a badass scar
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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