I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
