conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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