you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize