We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
