I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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