Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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