If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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