I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
