When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
