Fuck appropriateness.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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