the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
