Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
this is an emotional support booty call
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
