life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
