Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
