great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
