Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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