Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
