It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
