Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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