So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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