According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
