So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
