How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
