you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize