Where is the hickey?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
