OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
