Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Randomize
