she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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