I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
