I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
