When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
