I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
