I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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