I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
