I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
