I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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