I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
