Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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