just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
