Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize