I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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