i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
