She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
